When it comes to anger, most people make two key mistakes: Assuming Anger is an Emotion and Believing Anger is the “Bad Guy”

Let us set the record straight and bust these myths right now.

Correction 1: Anger Is NOT an Emotion

Anger is a series of behaviors that do two things:

• Express hurt and fear (the emotions fueling anger behaviors).
• Expel elevated physiological energy or sensations.

People often say, “I feel angry”. What they are really describing are the physical sensations triggered by their body and soul’s response to perceived threats. Here is how the process works:

Data Collection: The brain collects information about what is happening around you.

Comparison: The brain compares this new data with previously stored experiences.

Interpretation: The mind interprets the situation and determines whether you are being threatened or could be harmed.

Once that interpretation is made, anger behaviors kick in. Anger isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you do.

Think about it from a sensory perspective too:

• You see anger behaviors—like people fighting or throwing things.
• You hear anger behaviors—like shouting or screaming.
• You feel anger behaviors—like being hit by a fist or a flying object.
• You might even taste anger behaviors—like blood and teeth when that flying fist makes contact.

Anger is the sound hurt and fear make as they leave your soul—through a behavior you’ve specifically chosen.

Why Do We Keep Using Anger Behaviors?

Simple. They work—or at least, they feel like they do.  Since the “terrible twos,” we’ve learned that if we make a big enough stink, people tend to give in—at least temporarily. And let’s be honest: anger behaviors also feel good.

Like sex, anger provides a physical and emotional release. Breaking things, throwing objects, yelling, kicking, drinking, isolating—it all feels great in the moment. That temporary rush of satisfaction is what keeps us coming back for more.

But here’s the catch: anger behaviors don’t solve anything. They leave you feeling like crap and lead to destructive outcomes that ultimately don’t get you what you really want. What a messed-up system.

Correction 2: Anger Behaviors Are not the “Bad Guy”

The behaviors themselves are not the issue. The real problem is the outcomes.

When anger behaviors lead to outcomes like:

• Getting arrested,
• Filing for divorce,
• Losing your job,
• Drinking too much,
• Battling addiction,
• Winding up in the ER after a suicide attempt,
• Becoming homeless,
• Instilling fear in your family, or
• Feeling isolated and alone,

THAT’S when anger becomes a problem. People do not come to my workshops, book counseling sessions, or read my blog postsk because they threw one plate or yelled during a bad day. They’re here because of the outcomes—the real-life consequences of unchecked anger behaviors.

Freedom to Choose (and the Cost of Doing Nothing)

Let’s clear something up: being an asshole or a dumb ass isn’t a psychiatric condition. It’s a choice—a choice fully protected by the Constitution of the United States. In the land of the free, you have the right to be whoever you want:

• An asshole.
• A jerk.
• A dumb-ass.

So go ahead—get a good night’s sleep, eat a hearty breakfast, and embrace your behavioral freedom. In America, your destiny is shaped by your choices.

Here’s the kicker: there’s no medication for asshole-ism or dumb-assitis. The only cure? Healing from past hurts and managing your daily fears.

Of course, you could skip the healing journey altogether and keep using anger as your go-to method for expressing yourself and getting your needs met.

But there’s a cost. That road often leads to loneliness, isolation, and bitterness. If that is the life you want, have at it.

But If You Want Something Different…

If you are reading this and thinking, “I don’t want to end up like that,” then it’s time to make a change.